Dextro's laboratory
by kzsting
Summary: With Mordin and Chakwas in quarantine, the Normandy looks to an unlikely source for medical care.


Dextro's laboratory

Just an idea I had, tell me if it sucks. I do not own mass effect or the mass effect universe, Bioware/EA does.

As far as joker was concerned , it was just another day doing nothing at the helm of the Normandy . since he'd got back from that thing with liara, Shepherd had had them wandering around the galaxy, picking fights with the blood pack or switching on broken radiation shields. Until they received word of the reapers arrival, there really wasn't much else he could do but twiddle his thumbs. _But at least he could do that without having to spent a week in a cast._, joker thought to himself . He turned up the volume on his music. Since shepherd had put a block on his extranet access that was about all he had left to keep him entertained during his long hours in the cockpit. Still, at least that Asari who hung out in observation had lent him some expel-10.

"Jeff, it is time for your appointment with doctor Solus" Edi's voice interrupted. Joker groaned. The Salarian was an ok guy, but he didn't have the best bedside manner. Apparently his species doctors were supposed to find the problem, treat the problem and move on as quickly as possible. He would have preferred to see Dr. Chakwas for his medical advice but nooo , shepherd wouldn't let him leave the deck "in case of an emergency". _You let one collector ship ambush you and suddenly you can't be trusted._

"Edi , can't you tell him i'm sick or something?"

"informing the doctor that you are incapacitated by illness would likely –"

"I know, I know, _that is a joke."_ He mimicked as he struggled to get out of his seat. " the helm's yours" he waddled slowly down the long deck that linked the bridge to the CIC. Most of the crew gathered around the galaxy map ignored him. They had gotten used to the sight of the pilot struggling to reach the doctors office since Edi had taken control of most systems._ Don't bother to help or anything._

"morning joker" chirped yeoman chambers._ She really is insufferable. Cute, but insufferable. _He carried on walking. _This better be worth it Mordin. If you've just called me here to say you've found another cure with lethal side effects I swear to god..._

The door to the science lab slid open and joker strode in, only to be met by a distinct lack of Mordin. scanning the room with his eyes, he found no sign of the scientist Salarian. The lab seemed completely deserted . _Great. Don't even bother to show up. _He decided he didn't fancy another long, painful walk back to the bridge only to find the professor had been in the toilet or something. He could wait a little. As he began looking for a chair he noticed a small , scratching sound coming from the other side of the room.

"err, doctor solus?" inquired joker, fully expecting something horrible too jump out on him. The voice that replied was not the one he had been expecting.

"got you,you little bosh'tet!"

Seconds later, Tali appeared, picking herself off the floor whilst grasping tightly onto the collector bug thing Mordin had been studying in both hands. For some reason she was wearing turquoise scrubs over her exo-suit . "oh, sorry joker , I didn't see you come in. Could pleaseyou open that incubator so I can put this thing down before it paralyses me?"

"uh, sure thing," said joker, confused. He pressed the door release button on the incubator and Tali threw the bug inside. She slammed the door shut, Narrowly avoiding crushing jokers hand. "Tali, where's Mordin?"

"Didn't you hear? He caught one of the diseases he was studying. Him and Chakwas are quarantined down in the med bay."

_Oh great. _"So, why are you here?"

"well," giggled the Quarian. Joker did not like where this was going. "since shepherd needs someone to provide day-to-day medical care for the crew whilst the Doctors are indisposed, He put me in charge of the lab."

"why you? Why not say... Kelly?"

"Kelly? What does Kelly know about medicine? I spent most of my day trying to avoid getting sick, so I think I know a bit more than that... _secretary, _about preventing illness."

Joker backed off, raising his hands as a gesture of surrender . Even he knew it was a bad idea to piss off whoever was handling your medicine. One question still gnawed at him though.

"So, who's watching the engines ?"

"gabby and ken of course, that's their job." Tali snapped, still a little sore at having been compared to the yeoman, whom she considered a "tramp". She walked over to Mordins terminal and began reading the list of appointments. She read jokers entry and reached for a Tupperware box on the shelf . It had "joker" written on it in felt tip. peeling off the lid, she took out a small, cardboard packet of pills and handed them to him.

"Mordin wants you to take two of these every four hours, don't ask me why. If you experience any side effects please come see me immediately"

"great, I have to take these things not even the "doctor" knows what the hell they do, thats filling me with a lot confidence."

" If you're that worried don't take them, I'm only trying to help."

Joker felt a little bad about what he'd said now. At as he got up to leave, he thought about how scary it must be for her to have to work somewhere so full of disease, when any little infection could kill her.

"I'm sorry, Tali,I know you're doing your best." she remained silent for a while, and looked into her appointments screen.

"that's ok, joker. I forgive you." She replied, her voice calm, and dignified. "you should get back to the bridge, unless you feel like hanging around for Zaeeds prostate exam." 


End file.
